To My Son On The Subject Of Consent

My dear son,

I am writing to you now when I am confident and unashamed. I'm a little worried that when I am older I will be embarrassed to discuss this with you and rest back on having "raised you right." This is important, though.

Right now, before you were born, there are a lot of stories in the news about date and acquaintance rape. Two young, drunk people. She's too drunk to consent. He's too drunk to recognize that. But it's like driving. If you were sober you would never drive in that state but you're drunk and making bad decisions. (I am overly simplifying this, of course.)

I can't expect perfection from you. You may find yourself in a situation where you've been drinking and things are getting heavy with a girl. Stop. Look her dead in the eye and ask her, yes or no, if she wants to have sex. If she can't focus her eyes enough to meet yours or is incapable of clearly saying yes then you need to stop. You are not a rapist.

Be the gentleman I have raised you to be and guide her to somewhere safe to sleep it off. Don't dump her on a doorstep or abandon her where someone with bad intentions may find her.

At this point you may be rolling your eyes at me like I'm a crazy person. We've talked about sex! You know it's not a trivial thing you do with someone you hardly know. We're active church members! You don't binge drink! So use this knowledge to look out for your friends.

If you're at a party and see a friend, who's been drinking, with a girl clearly incapable of consent, get him out of that situation. You are his friend and "cock block" or not you can't let him commit a felony. (Yeah. I'm also a little shocked that I just said that to you.) Don't let anyone try to confuse you, you're looking out for his best interests. You wouldn't let him drunkenly rob a bank or kill a man so don't let him drunkenly become a rapist.

This should be a simple issue. Incapable of saying no isn't the same as yes. Making a bad decision and having too much to drink does not mean a girl deserves to be raped.

I love you. I want good things for you and hope this helps you make good choices.

Sincerely,
Mom

PS - Clean your room.

I currently have no children and no immediate plans to have any.