To My Son On The Subject Of Consent

My dear son,

I am writing to you now when I am confident and unashamed. I'm a little worried that when I am older I will be embarrassed to discuss this with you and rest back on having "raised you right." This is important, though.

Right now, before you were born, there are a lot of stories in the news about date and acquaintance rape. Two young, drunk people. She's too drunk to consent. He's too drunk to recognize that. But it's like driving. If you were sober you would never drive in that state but you're drunk and making bad decisions. (I am overly simplifying this, of course.)

I can't expect perfection from you. You may find yourself in a situation where you've been drinking and things are getting heavy with a girl. Stop. Look her dead in the eye and ask her, yes or no, if she wants to have sex. If she can't focus her eyes enough to meet yours or is incapable of clearly saying yes then you need to stop. You are not a rapist.

Be the gentleman I have raised you to be and guide her to somewhere safe to sleep it off. Don't dump her on a doorstep or abandon her where someone with bad intentions may find her.

At this point you may be rolling your eyes at me like I'm a crazy person. We've talked about sex! You know it's not a trivial thing you do with someone you hardly know. We're active church members! You don't binge drink! So use this knowledge to look out for your friends.

If you're at a party and see a friend, who's been drinking, with a girl clearly incapable of consent, get him out of that situation. You are his friend and "cock block" or not you can't let him commit a felony. (Yeah. I'm also a little shocked that I just said that to you.) Don't let anyone try to confuse you, you're looking out for his best interests. You wouldn't let him drunkenly rob a bank or kill a man so don't let him drunkenly become a rapist.

This should be a simple issue. Incapable of saying no isn't the same as yes. Making a bad decision and having too much to drink does not mean a girl deserves to be raped.

I love you. I want good things for you and hope this helps you make good choices.

Sincerely,
Mom

PS - Clean your room.

I currently have no children and no immediate plans to have any.

What Is My Favorite Woody Allen Movie?

Like so many others I recently read An Open Letter From Dylan Farrow. My heart ached for her! Here was a young woman who'd never asked for the spotlight reminding us to consider the artist behind the art. It was a great moral question and one I appreciate her asking of me. How can I, as a good person, enjoy something created by someone who's done something morally repugnant?

Then the internet blew up. Twitter accounts, comments sections, blogs, everywhere I looked people talking about how they knew he was definitely guilty (occasionally throwing in a charming anti-Semitic comment for effect) or how Mia Farrow is a loon who coached and brainwashed Dylan who is now looking for a paycheck. Yikes!

Now, I claim no special knowledge on this case. Some of the uncontested facts make Allen look like an unbelievable pervert, though. He maintains his innocence, and I will not be grabbing a torch or pitchfork any time soon. I also won't be asking him to babysit.

After awhile I noticed something interesting. People continually prefaced Dylan's name with the words "adopted daughter." It reminded me of The Royal Tenenbaums. (Please, Wes Anderson, don't do terrible things that make me question my love of your films.) "This is my adopted daughter Margot." 

I'm gonna go ahead and speak for Mia Farrow here and say that Dylan is her daughter. She adopted her so that she would be her daughter. I wonder why it is continually mentioned. As an adopted child is she considered, somehow, more or less reliable? Is it more acceptable to molest an adopted child?

What's more, adoption is not an easy thing.  You can accidentally get pregnant but you can't accidentally adopt. It even makes me wonder how (I'm going to use a kind term that even his great defenders would agree with) an odd bird like Allen was approved? I can only assume that Mia Farrow passes psychological and home studies with such ease that anyone she decides to adopt with is passed on her strength.

I guess my pro-Mia stance is revealed. It's true! I think Mia Farrow is a tremendous child advocate. She's gone through difficult international adoptions to rescue special needs children from inhumane conditions.  I'll admit I think it's unlikely she ever coached a child to say anything that would traumatize that child.

I need to reveal something else here. I am a younger sister. I have firm memories, that seem as real to me as they can be, that either factual evidence or a good witness have contradicted. They were just stories my sister told me. It is absolutely possible that something similar happened to Dylan. Her father was already so massively inappropriate with her (asking her to suck his thumb) it would probably have made it easier.

So, Dylan, this is what I know and don't know. I imagine it is only more difficult for those who knew him socially before or met him later without hearing your story in full.

What is my favorite Woody Allen movie? Annie Hall. It's a great movie. I'm sure the more recent movies are good but I haven't been able to watch his movies for years. There's a lot of moral ambiguity.

Packing For Club Getaway!

This past weekend I had the most amazing time at Club Getaway in the Berkshires! I went for a "reunion" for people who've gone on the ShipRocked cruises. (I've done two, myself.) We had a couple of bands play and enjoyed all the great lakeside activities. We drank a lot. We're hoping to go ahead and come back next summer.

Since this had been our first time going, most of us didn't quite know exactly how to pack. Personally, I over packed. I just figured I'd rather fix any potential problems rather than complain about them. I wanted to put together a nice list that we, ShipRockers, can look to in the future that maybe others could find useful.

Basic - These are items I think everyone should have.

• Case of water - Yes, they have plenty of coolers of water around but they only have tiny cups. Sure, you could have one bottle you just refill but you know you'll lose it. Also, you can share the case with your cabin mates.
• Beach towel - You'll find your cabin has a bath towel, a hand towel and a washcloth for each guest. No beach towel, which you'll want for swimming and other activities on the lake.
• Hoodie - You're a grown-up and I'm not going to take a lot of time telling you what clothes to pack but it gets cool in the evenings and you will probably want this.
• Walking shoes - just something appropriate for tramping around in the woods. I'm sure you'll have sandals but I think you'll want something else too.
• Aerosol deodorant - This is mostly for the men but I think it's a good idea all the way around. Go crazy with it. (Note: Axe is a body spray, not a deodorant. We can still smell your BO.) 
• Cooler for snacks and discreet drinks - If you're someone who constantly sleeps through or otherwise misses scheduled mealtimes you can feel free to bring snacks. Since the bar, according to Connecticut blue laws, must close at 2am and you and friends want to stay up until 3:45 drinking and talking you may want to bring a 6-pack of this or a flask of that. Club Getaway does not crack down on this, and has no problem with coolers, but be discreet with the adult beverages.

Comforts of Home - Things that you don't need but will want.

This cabin looks much larger than mine

• Pillow with pillowcase - Each twin sized bed (and they're all twins) has one smooshed down poly fill pillow. You'll want another. If you're picky, bring one from home but you can also pick one up at a discount store for four or five dollars and just leave it behind when you go home. 
• Soap - Ok, I'm gonna assume you're packing toiletries. This is more my personal suggestion to get two bars of a nice soap that you're willing to use on your face and body. Put one in the shower and one by the bathroom sink. They have soap dispensors in those places but, c'mon, you gotta take care of your skin. (Yes, you'll still need shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and such. I just really liked this idea and thought I'd pass in on.)
• Hangers - There are a few plastic ones in each cabin but bringing a couple more might help to keep you organized.
• Shower mat or shower shoes - Foot funk happens. You can play it solo with rubber flip flops or talk to your cabin mates and one of you bring a shower mat.
• Power strip - This is another item that you'll only need one per cabin. We all have stuff that needs to be charged or plugged in. Don't fight over an outlet.
• A watch - Ok, I have no kids and told all of my family, friends and coworkers that I would be out of range all weekend (completely untrue but absolutely decadent.) I tucked my phone away right after arriving didn't touch it until I was packing up to go. I completely annoyed everyone asking what time it was.
• Big insulated cup - Remember those adult beverages? Have a big cup to put them in. Because we all know that if you go back to your cabin for a refill after 2 am, you're not coming back.
• Wipes - Cleaning wipes, anti-bacterial wipes, make-up removing wipes. Don't lie. You love wipes. Pack some wipes.
• A couple of small scented candles - They take up such little room and can make such a difference.
• A camp chair - My cabin mate and I loved our neighbors. We chatted with them before bed and in the morning. It would have been really nice if there were enough chairs on our porch to all sit out there occasionally.

Princess - Ok, you may be made fun of. But you won't care! You're super comfortable.

• Twin sized inflatable mattress - The mattresses weren't great. I personally did fine but I spoke to a few people who said they had a bad crick in their neck. Set up the inflatable mattress and slide the one they supply for you under the bed. These mattresses pack down quite small so you even if you're flying in that shouldn't be a problem, just contact someone who lives locally (like me!) to bring an air-pump. 
• Sheets - I want to be clear, the linens you are supplied with are clean and functional. If you're someone who doesn't sleep on anything less that 450 count Egyptian cotton you'll have to bring your own, though.
• Bedbug spray - No one I know saw any signs of bedbugs which is the reason I thought of this as a princess item. I can really get wanting it just in case though. It's my understanding that bedbug spray and lice spray is the same thing. So, if you can't find one you can just get the other one.

A Meditation On Losing 15 Pounds

Right after Christmas I went on a diet. Nothing complicated or trendy. I just dug out all my old Weight Watchers material and started keeping track of what I ate. All of my information is older so I'm using the "old" points system but it's as effective as any of the different ways of keeping track of your diet that WW has used. I haven't been going to meetings, which I've enjoyed and I think are helpful, but have managed to stay on track. That's right, 15 pounds and counting.

I had no plans of doing this either. No grand New Years resolution or idea of what I was trying to attain by when. I just kind of started doing it and kept it up.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I had no plans of doing anything when a friend posted on Facebook how she was sick of reading the same people posting the same sort of "This will be my year" that they'd posted last year. I agreed with her that it was annoying but if a date on a calender inspired people to get on it, that seemed ok. Made me wonder what date I was looking for or what it would take to get me on it. Turns out, that's what I needed. Thanks, Flo!

Now, mistakes were made. By that I don't mean the Wendy's Baconator (which I totally planned for so it didn't have a negative impact) but rather the dozen or so oatmeal cookies that I ate one Saturday without an ounce of planning or even managing the rest of the meals that day to make it count less. Instead, I believe I drank a lot of rum.

The biggest thing is how my wardrobe has opened up to me. It took me years to put this weight on and so many of my clothes just kind of wound up in the back of the closet. Today I tried on shirts and pants that I haven't worn in forever and they just slipped on. I didn't struggle zipping up flies or have trouble buttoning a blouse. I hope to get to a point where everything is too loose.

There are moments when I get this serenity where I think that this is how I'll live my life and it's completely satisfying. I try to make those last as long as possible.

Soups On!

I know someone who recently admitted on Facebook to having eaten a can of condensed soup for lunch. "But, Katherine," you ask, "what could possibly be wrong with soup?" Well, I answer, it was really the fact that he didn't add water. He ate it condensed. Yuck.

So, this is for you "Michael F." (See? I'm protecting you anonymity.)

This is my recipe for Mexican Winter Bean Soup. (Thanks here to my sister for coming up with the name.) It is really easy to make, good for you and delicious.

Ingredients:

• 1 lb low fat ground turkey
• 1 small onion chopped (if you're really lazy there's chopped onion in the frozen food section)
• 1 clove garlic minced (use the jarred kind, see if I care)
• 1 can corn
• 2 cans pinto beans (any color)
• 1 can RO*TEL (I can usually only find Original here but any variety will work)
• 1 can fat free low sodium chicken or vegetable broth
• 1 package taco seasoning
• 1 package ranch dressing seasoning

 In a large pot brown the turkey with the onion and garlic. You'll want the turkey crumbles as small as you can get them. Add all cans without draining. Add seasoning packages. When it's hot, it's done.

If you omit the can of broth it's more like chili and works great over a baked potato.

I'd also like to give a slightly advanced version for those who are interested.

Rather than using the seasoning packages upgrade to Penzeys. I get most all of my spices from them. The closest store is about an hour away from me but the prices are great and the quality is absolutely amazing. Four tablespoons each of their taco and ranch seasonings gives the same amount of flavor without as much sodium and no msg.

I also break the pinto beans before adding them. It makes for a thicker soup and the beans don't all float to the top. Empty the cans into a large bowl and take the back of a fork to them.

For the truly advanced you can divide the taco and ranch seasonings, add half to the ground turkey then make little meatballs like in Italian wedding soup. I've done this twice. Both times I've come close to killing myself. I never want to make tiny meatballs again. You can feel free, though.

Hope you enjoy this! And, Michael, if I ever hear of you eating condensed soup again, you're fired.

My October Birchbox!

I recently subscribed to this brilliant service, Birchbox. For $10 a month they send you out this precious little box with four or five, mostly high end, beauty samples. It's a brilliant idea. It allows you, as the consumer, to try out a product you may not have otherwise purchased.

I just got my first box and, since I had a friend already tease me gently about my previous beauty blog, I'm going to review the products.  I hope that you'll find this helpful. If you're interested in trying out Birchbox, please message me for an invite. You don't need an invite, but they give me credit towards future purchases.

The sample sizes were all pretty significant. You have at least a weeks worth of any of the these products. Probably more.

I'm just going to list the products off and follow it with a review. The product links that I'm using are to the manufacturers but you can get all of these products through Birchbox. (Or, heck, froogle it and get the lowest price. I got nothing on the line here.)

Befine Lip Exfoliator - I may never wear lipstick again! I don't need to. When I choose to it wears so much better, though. My lips are soft and the natural color really shows. After using it once I was hooked. This was a big win for Birchbox.




blinc Mascara - This is the craziest stuff! It's not like regular mascara, it's "tubing." When you put it on it coats your lashes in a colored polymer that doesn't flake or run. It doesn't create a lot of length or volume but it wears beautifully so it's perfect for daily wear. It comes in colors, too. I'm thinking about getting a tube in dark purple.

Pagea Organics Facial Scrub - It's a really good quality facial scrub. It exfoliates and feels nice but I'm not sure it really stood out for me. I'm not saying that I would never buy this. I just wouldn't go out of my way.

Redken Shine Flash 02 - I have shiny, fine, straight hair so I wasn't sure what this could do for me. I'm game, though. You just need a light spraying and those weird little fly-aways settle in with the rest of your hair. There's no hold, since it's not hair spray. If anything it's closer to a leave in conditioner, but that kind of overstates it. Shine Flash is unlike any product I've tried previously so it's hard to describe. It doesn't impact style, just leaves your hair shiny and soft.

 Tea Forté Minteas -  Ok, I have no idea why they included these. They're good and not at all like the average mints you can pick up at the 7-eleven but it's not really a beauty item. Eh, it's a $3 value so it'll work. Plus, they're mojito flavor. Who can say no to that?




All in all, I think this worked out wonderfully. When you add up the value, ounce for ounce, I received over $25 in great products. I'm certainly going to be buying the lip exfoliator in the future and am considering purchasing both the mascara and the Shine Flash.

A Detour From Mouth to Hands

I usually talk food. Well, I don't know if I can say usually, since I blog so irregularly. The point, though, is that for the past few weeks I have been totally obsessed with my nails and have been dying to talk about them.

I should begin by explaining that for most of my life I was the worst nail biter. After I was in a terrible car accident I stopped. Just stopped. Ok, so maybe that's overstating it. They tied my hands down so I would stop yanking out my IV and that was what really stopped it. But I digress.

I have thin weak nails, so even after I stopped biting them I had to learn a lot of tricks just to keep them decent looking. The big thing I learned was that nail salons make almost no money on a regular manicure so they do a rush job on it. If you're lucky enough to find a place that does a decent job tip well and tell your friends.

I've spoken to women, occasionally at the table next to me in the salon, who get they're nails shaped and prepped by a professional and then paint them at home. I've not tried that but I like the idea.

I have a short product list that I'm really happy with. It's mostly higher end stuff, but nothing you can't find a good drug store.

A glass nail file - I was shocked at how inexpensive this was and how much of a difference it made in overall nail strength. I'm not even sure why that would be, since it doesn't seem to make sense.

Orly Bonder - This is great stuff. For a while I was just painting on anything labeled "base coat". You can do that if all you want is to keep the color from staining your nails but this changes the ball game. A great buy at twice the price.


Any higher end polish - OPI, Essie, Orly (I like the minis to save money) or even the higher end Sally Hansen. Sure, you can buy a bottle of cheap polish for a third the cost, but it won't give a long lasting manicure. I'd really recommend staying away from the drugstore makeup brands. Those polishes aren't cheap and they don't last. Paint on two nice, thick coats of the good stuff.

Top Coat - I use Sally Hansen Insta-Dri when I don't have a lot of time but have found it chips a little easier than Sally Hansen Super Shine Nail Finish.

Give each coat a minute or two to dry before starting the next. That's it. My manicures last five days minimum and I'm super tough on my nails